Day 14.

6am Wake up.

Church was cancelled due to covid.

Tough day emotionally.

I was in the process of writing out more of Stage 1 when I received my impact letter from my Mum.  I decided it was best to continue bullet-pointing the areas I wanted to cover in Step 1 before reading the impact letter.  By the time I had most of the points covered it was time for lunch.

After lunch, I read the impact letter before going into a meeting with my therapist and mum (on a Zoom call).

The impact letter was hard to read emotionally, as my mum was very honest about what impact my addiction has had on her and the family.  My mum expressed her feelings on the damage caused by the calls and texts, and that when I had moved back home (after my dad’s funeral), I would drink in the house and the negative impact that this had.

Even though we have talked about these issues in the past, now with a sober head-on, it was emotional, especially to see them written down and laid bare.  This made me feel very sad and gave me a new understanding of how much my addiction has affected the family over the years.  It was also very hard to read how much my addiction had hurt my mum and how she has put aside her emotions on other important aspects of her life, just to simply cope and deal with me.

The Zoom call was very emotional as my mum reinforced everything she had written down.  It was just as hard to hear it from her.

I admitted to her that I had done wrong and that it made me feel very sad to see how I have affected her so deeply with my addiction.

After the Zoom call, I continued on with the therapist, and he asked me to start thinking about setting boundaries on issues that may affect my recovery when out of the castle.  We will discuss this more in my next therapy session.

For the rest of the day, I have been feeling emotionally drained.

Only now am I accepting the impact my addiction has truly caused on family and friends!  
I hope in time that I can mend the fractions between family and friends, with new boundaries in place.

Tomorrow is another day and I am determined to focus more on my recovery