Day 38.

The first lecture was on King/Queen baby and was interesting and at the time did not feel I could relate to a lot of the traits.  Little did I know this evening, that the trait of ‘ego’ would come into play.

The group was good again and I shared the part I missed from my Step 2.

‘Instance when you believed a power greater than you was caring for you and came to your help’

I felt it was important to share this, as it was a drinking-related incident when I live down south.

I had been drinking with a group of friends in a pub and got spiked.  This resulted in me passing out and being taken to hospital in an ambulance.  I woke up with drips in my arms, hooked up to the systems, and my partner at the time crying at the bottom of the bed.  My partner told me that if I had stayed unresponsive for a little longer, they were going to consider me in a coma. I can only remember going into the pub and then waking up in the hospital bed.

The fact I woke up, I feel was an awakening moment and long lasting memory.  It was also spiritual for me, as if God was not caring for me, and had not come to my aid, my life may have been different.

I worked more on my aftercare plan today, as this is very important towards my ongoing recovery, after my time in the castle, and planning how to maintain sobriety.

The book reading started off good, I shared how I could relate to it, but then a peer shared and turned it away from the story and more into the belief of the 12 steps, the fact the AA book is outdated etc.  This got to me a bit as there were new peers in the room and I felt I had to speak up.  In the process of me speaking back, my ego kicked in, for me to prove this peer wrong and me right.  I made it a bit personal and felt bad for the rest of the reading.

I recognised I overstepped the mark and apologised to this peer after.  This peer accepted my apology and we were fine after.  I still felt bad for the rest of the evening though as my ‘ego’ had taken over at the time.

Control the Ego!