Early wake up and another good day.

The weather has been amazing today.  I even have a tan from driving in the sun so much.

Work went well and signed up another client.  Traffic was a challenge today though, as with good weather comes heavier traffic and crazy drivers, had to do a few breathing exercises to keep calm at times.  I am not an angry driver and don’t drive aggressively at all, just that when you are on the road all day, other drivers start to annoy you slightly with their stupid and crazy behaviours.  Everyone is always in a rush.

The aftercare psychoeducational session was focused on the second part of anger – anger management.

I found this interesting, prior to these sessions, I would not consider myself an angry person, but at some point, anger comes out in all of us.  Last week I recognized my warning signs include; my mind going blank, pacing around, crying, can’t stop thinking about the problem, and going quiet and ‘shut down’ (part 1).  This week it was about self-reflection and strategies to manage anger.

I have discovered that my anger manifests emotionally subconsciously and that when I am angry, it is mostly in the spur of the moment, mainly due to not liking what I am hearing from someone or the way they are behaving.

Most of the time I would say that my anger was justified as I have been given a good reason to get angry, but I would go quiet, say nothing and not stop thinking about it.  Consuming me and affecting me mentally, then in the past leading me to make an excuse to have a drink.

To deal with my anger, I have identified that I need to use different strategies including cognitive (belief and mindset), behavioural (actions) and verbal (engagement) in the following ways:

Cognitive:

• Catch and change my angry thoughts
• Get the facts and don’t jump in
• Reminding myself what the negative effects are of holding anger in

Behavioural:

• Practice the cognitive strategies
• Walk away, reflect and then communicate directly

Verbal:

• Use DBT skills such as DEAR MAN:
  • Describe the current situation. Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.
  • Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
  • Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying “No” clearly.
  • Reinforce the person ahead of time by explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
  • Mindful keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic. Replay the same thing again and again. Ignore attacks to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Just keep making your point.
  • Appear confident, effective, and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact.
  • Negotiate and be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Offer to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.

I need to practice my skills and stay mindful of anger management when anger occurs.