I did not go to church this morning, as I had too much playing on my mind. A lot of things I still wanted to do in the house and other things to sort out before going back to work tomorrow. I spoke to a family about not going, and they reassured me that it was ok for not going. I did feel bad though, as I am wanting to stick to going every Sunday, and towards this evening I felt I had let myself down a little, for not sticking to pre-made plans. I felt like I was going back into the old ways and not sticking to my plans, but I have put this feeling to rest and made a promise to myself that I will make more effort to attend every Sunday.

I have been a little anxious today about starting back at work tomorrow. It has been seven weeks, so many things have been playing in my mind;

• Will work be the same?
• How will my workmates be with me now that I am back?
• Will I have a lot of work to follow up on?
• Am I going to be able to manage the stress of the job still?
• Will I be able to fit the AA, zoom and therapy meetings into my work schedule?
• Will my work allow me to adjust my hours to fit these meetings in?
• What will happen if I get too stressed or triggered by my job when back?

None of these questions I can answer until I have spoken with HR, so the unknown is making me anxious.

After keeping busy all day, the weather was rubbish so couldn’t go for a walk to clear my head. Instead, I went for a drive, parked up in the countryside and listen to some meditation and watched some mindfulness talk videos. This did clear my head and I accepted that there is no point worrying about it all and taking one day at a time. With such a long day and an exhausted mind from overthinking, I was not in the mood to cook, so a quick meal from a drive-through was needed.

Let’s hope I can get back into work smoothly