Day 46.

6 am wake up.

Today was my last morning in the castle, shortly I will say goodbye to rehab – hello world! 

Packed up my final things and got ready to leave in the afternoon. It felt strange to empty my pigeon hole and I realised how much reference material I was taking away with me.  My folder is now full and huge, alongside all the books.

Attended the morning lectures, then decided the time was better spent writing in other fellows leaving books with a message and contact details.

Then it was time to say my goodbyes – hopefully, I will stay in contact with many people, meet up on the outside and possibly see them at the reunion.

After getting picked up, I went for lunch with a family member and had a proper catch-up.  This was also my time to reinforce the boundaries that I have set, to ensure that I stick to my relapse prevention plan.

As I had been away for over 6 weeks, food shopping was needed and this was the time to get healthy food and keep up the healthy eating.  I was told that another family member had bought me an air fryer whilst I was in, and left it in my house as a welcome back present.  This made me feel warm inside and reinforced my healthy eating plan.

I will never forget walking into the supermarket for the first time in ages; Bright lights, people, loads of different sounds and the smell of fresh fruit and vegetables.

My senses were fully awakened, I could not remember the last time my senses were heightened.

Upon walking back into my house, one emotion dramatically came over me – I realised what a shit hole I was living in.  At the time of leaving, I had cleaned and tidied before I left, thinking it was nice and clean, ready for me to come back.  But when arriving back, I realised the fog that alcohol had put over me, as this house was not clean and certainly not tidy.  I did not let this stress me, but I realised I would have to plan a proper clean, tidy up and skip mission over the next few weeks.

Have not been bothered about my phone all day.  Cooked steak, potatoes and vegetables in the new air fryer, watched a film and now it’s time for bed.

What will this new life be like?