Day 44.

Shared my letter to addiction in the group this morning.  This was received well with good feedback.  It was nice to hear and felt comforting to know that I am saying goodbye to my addiction and hello to sobriety.

Mindfulness was focused on food therapy, eating healthy, and using breathing and mindful techniques.  It’s about experiencing food through touch, smell, taste, and emotions that it brings up.  We used a blackberry and it brought back memories of riding past blackberry bushes and the enjoyment I got from horse riding on country roads.

I received back the relapse prevention letter and again I was missing out on some key points in my recovery.  I was struggling to get my head around what was missing.  I changed it again and gave it back to my therapist before our session.

The session was emotional.  I spoke at great length with my therapist about my recovery after leaving the castle, and then the penny dropped.  I will have to make some changes in my life that I was not considering in my plans and letters.  I was overlooking these as I did not consider them to impact my recovery, but after discussing them with the therapist, I realized how they will impact my recovery.  In a few friendships in my life, I will have to set clear boundaries and break away from some of them.  I was in denial about the impact that these may have on my recovery, but have now realized that it may be too toxic for me to continue in recovery.

I cannot put my recovery at risk, for myself, for my life.  Hard decisions will need to be made and stuck to, with boundaries set.  These are hard decisions, but I need to put my life and recovery first.

After the emotional session, I had my peer evaluation, this went as I had expected with all the peers saying that I was in slight denial of my recovery plans, but all peers had the same positive things to say about me.  This gave me a warm feeling knowing that I had the support of my fellow peers, some of which will hopefully still be friends on the outside.

The last full day in the castle is tomorrow, then my recovery comes first!