Day 32.

Today has been a mixed bag of events and emotions.

I shared in the men’s group today, which I felt went well and nice to share about my addiction.

I shared how before coming into rehab, I don’t drink around my family or at family events and don’t drink around friends in a pub environment, as I drive there and back, forcing me not to drink.  However, I have been leaving these events early, so that I could stop at the shop on the way home and buy alcohol.  I was reliving to share this and took onboard the shared feedback/experiences.

One peer did say to me, straight after the group, that the way I spoke about it, sounded like I might think about drinking again when out of the castle, as I was putting it across in a way that sounded like I would be able to control my drinking now.  I had a chat with this peer and said how that’s not the way I meant it to sound.  All was fine after this and I appreciated them giving me their opinion and will keep it in mind.

However, later on in the day, when I was sitting down to speak with another peer, we had a chat on this subject again, and this peer said the same thing to me.  This put my head into a bit of spin!  Why have 2 peers now said this to me as feedback?

I think the total opposite of this and I am determined to not touch any alcohol or cannabis ever again!

I don’t know why I let this now get to me and wind me up.  So I confided in a recovery advocate, who then read a passage from the AA big book and related it back to me.

This gave me an understanding of how we all take recovery in different ways and stages.  He was also in the men’s group and said to me that from his point of view, my share did not come across that way.  I gained an understanding of how to deal with this when outside in early recovery.  So after this talk, I prayed to my higher power and passed on my worries and fears for guidance.  I felt better after this, knowing it was now in my higher powers’ hands.

After this, I did not have any worries about it and enjoyed the rest of my day.

The new peer I am buddying was up and out of the room today.  So to cheer my peer up and make them feel better, I put their name on the Alpaca walk list.  This peer has never seen an Alpaca before, never mind walked one, so this cheered the peer up when I told them.

Started on Step 3 today, which going by today’s morning events, was coincidental.

The decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.