Today has been a strange day.

The weather is fantastic with the sun shining and no clouds in the sky.  Yet I have a bizarre deep down feeling of missing out.

I suppose this relates to yesterday’s events, which are still playing on my mind.  Recovery can be very selfish.

Today I could have been around friends socialising in the sun, however, this would be at the expense and risk of my recovery, as they will be frequenting a few different beer gardens across town, and others drinking in their back gardens.  I am not ready within myself to be in that situation.

I hold no resentment toward anyone who wants to go to have a drink in the sun.  I accept the fact that some people can have a social drink, become merry or drunk and then not drink again for a while, or become addicted to it.  I, however, am not like this, I am an alcoholic.

It is that feeling of missing out, whilst at the same time feeling proud within myself that I am not allowing myself to be in a potential situation, which may cause me to have ‘just one drink’ and then another, consequently relapsing.

I have no desire to have a drink at all, and I am starting to look at these situations in a different way, knowing that I will always need to be on my guard for the rest of my life.  Avoiding these situations will not be forever, but whilst in these crucial stages of early recovery, I cannot put myself at risk.

Yes, I have many friends that did go out today, did not drink, doing other activities, but I did not feel up for anything as I was feeling slightly down, and would not be good company.  I also wanted to keep myself grounded and not drive past any shops on the way home, as this was one of my previous triggers.  My head is just coming to terms with it all, as this is my first summer in sobriety and a new life that I will enjoy more than my previous one.

Kept myself occupied all day today and spent most of the day in the garden having a relaxed time and working on some more changes to this website.

I have no regrets about not socialising today, just mixed emotions, and I know many more days like this will come, so I will need to plan more and socialise in more suitable environments in these early stages.

Maybe socialising today in a sober environment might have been better for me mentally, but overall I have had a good day, and even better did not have a drink, or even feel tempted to have a drink.  For that, I am proud of myself.

Stick to the plan and stay sober!