The day started off well.  A very good meeting with my therapist, nice sunny weather and a spring in my step at work.

Then it took a small turn.  I spoke with a friend on the phone.  The conversation started off well, talking about each other’s week, but then the conversation turned slightly sour.

My friend was talking to me about some of the recovery boundaries that I have set, and they could not get their head around it.  Saying that it is a bit ridiculous.  Basically, I know that certain places will be a trigger for me, and I do not want to go to these places whilst in early recovery. I tied to explain it to my friend, but they could not fully understand it from my point of view and felt that I was being selfish having these boundaries in place.

Then they started to bring up the past and how other situations have triggered me, yet they are not part of my recovery plan.  I tried to explain how I have accepted those past issues and moved forward from them, but certain places and situations will still trigger me.  This may not be forever, but I can’t say how long, and even if I will be able to stop these places and situations from being triggers.

After trying a few times to explain my point of view, the conversation was becoming a bit more heated with topics changing, which started to get me frustrated and irritated.  I did not want this conversation to try and trigger me, so I decided it was best to end the conversation and not speak for a little bit until I feel a bit more settled in speaking again.  I also asked for some space.

Recovery is selfish, and that is because I am putting my recovery first.  I don’t want to put myself in a situation, where potentially I could be triggered, and possibly lead to a relapse.

I must put my recovery first, and if this means being selfish, then so be it.

I would rather be selfish than relapse!